It Was Bound to Happen
by FeatherEars
Summary: [Major Spoilers for chapter 358!] Was there clay in hell? He could only hope so. Oneshot Deidara POV. [Shounen ai if you squint.]


After reading the Naruto Chapter 358 I was...so down, because...it looks like Deidara's going to die! And It's looking rather inevitable. And this was a means of making myself feel better, and having a small look at those 'inevitable situations' which I think will continue to happen and make us all very unhappy! Doom:(

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**Title**: It Was Bound to Happen  
**Pairing**: Not any really, but there is a small amount of shounen-ai if you put your jamjars.  
**Fandom**: Naruto  
**Rating**: I would like to say M - for man-love and future mangled corpses, but this doesn't quite fit the bill. T for total safety.  
**Spoilers**: Lots of them. Here there and everywhere. Mainly from chapter 358. And also, I just want to point this out..._chapter 281, page 16, bottom left panel...look closely...you can see Tobi's hairline_:D I'm a Tobito supporter so, yeah...  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto.

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I had thought losing my arms once was enough for a life time; the imbalance had left me moody, and having to strangle Tobi with my legs (however stress relieving) was an embarrassment. All courtesy of that Uchiha brat, two fuma shuriken were imbedded deeply in both of my forearms, pinning me to my beautiful C2 dragon.

It's amazingly how, in the face of death, things you would have deemed so insignificant turned out to fit into the jigsaw just as smoothly as the bigger pieces.

As my one winged masterpiece descended to the foreboding floor, I saw things I would have refused to ever broach. After thinking of how I tried to give Tobi a lethal dose of asphyxiation with my thighs, I remembered how Tobi had recently been looking at my knees for no apparent reason. Perhaps he had been contemplating how I could easily kill him with a few limbs missing...

I was arrogant - I knew that before my spontaneous pre-death flashback. Even if I had now seemingly filled Sasori-danna's shoes, and Tobi had seemingly filled mine, I had never lost my confidence. Not once. Proceeding many of my mood swings, I had often pondered Tobi's immaturity, and wondered wether I had been just like him when I was Sasori's partner. I would have liked to say no altogether, but that would have been a lie. I deffinitely wasn't as spaced out as that kid, but I had recalled my first mission with my artistic comrade: an assassination mission. I had underestimated my opponent, nearly got us found out, and Sasori-danna had to clean up my 'mess'. Yet still I had walked away from the scene of the crime with a smirk and a queer swing in my step. I could imagine Sasori cursing my ever present foolishness, all the way from the flaming pits of Hell.

I was fast approaching the ground. I heaved my shoulders up, but no matter how much tendril tearing pain I endured, I remained stuck. Well wasn't that just lovely.

Turning my head, mussed hair and all, towards the clear sky, my mind mused on the other members of the Akatsuki. They would all - of course - meet their own grim ends, one way or another. It was just how the stories went, wasn't it? The bad guys get killed off in a justified manner, and then what do you know, everyone's happy. Hidan and Kakuzu had already met their maker...well...just Kakuzu actually. Hidan was more than likely under a pile of rocks somewhere trying to blow the dirt out of his nostrils.

The dragon's clawed foot scraped the ground.

Zetsu was currently partnered with nobody for obvious reasons - he, Hidan and Kisame (the most open of the Akatsuki) had often cracked jokes in secret, thus spawning the ever funny phrase "he thinks masturbation is intercourse". There had been a short period where he had been partnered with Orochimaru, but they had apparently not gotten along well. I didn't know much about Zetsu, just that he was about as anti-social as they came. Not in the sense that he was violent, or rude...he just didn't like humans (except when they were in his mouth, of course). I could be wrong, but I surmised that he was more of a social reject than anti-social; I mean if you were born with a plant on your shoulders and turned out to generally be the wrong colour, I'd have expected my neighbourhood to give me some fair amount of abuse, too. It didn't really matter though, because his mental instability had given him a friend to be with forever. He would never die alone.

I knew even less about the blue haired woman than I did about Zetsu or the Leader. Judging by the flower in her hair, I had just assumed she was female. She was deathly silent, and much like the Leader, she kept her identity hidden from us. I had this feeling she would be still be living in years to come. I laughed out loud. Who'd be able to find her out?

The dragon's claws sunk into the freshly dug earth (thank you Tobi), and I knew I was about to be engulfed by my own jutsu. How dismally ironic.

I had long before predicted that Itachi and Kisame would probably be the last pair to snuff it. They complimented each others fighting styles too well. Kisame had only joined so that his bloodlust got a good exercising - the shark like man probably couldn't think of a better place to die than on a battlefield, covered in guts. Itachi was just waiting for his death, really. He had killed his clan, practically planned out his brother's life, reached the top of his game, and now he was just waiting for the other Sharingan user to get strong enough to take him out. Hmph...what a life.

An explosion sounded, but it was a mere echo in my ear. Not because my mind was preoccupied either. I was already on my way to being deaf because of my abilities.

Nobody else knew of the Akatsuki's third and final objective, and for a damn good reason. 'World domination' had never gained any positive reactions. The Leader was probably the least charming person to ever exist, and his wording had always prooved that. He was a business man, not a charmer. Although regardless of his mannerisms, he had pertained some sort of sentimentality for mankind. He was sick of having his small villiage attacked, tired having his community killed off; 'world domination' didn't have to mean slavery, tyranny and absolute abuse of anyone with a heartbeat. The Leader's vision of 'world domination' was leaning more towards one big happy fucking family. Once the five main shinobi villages become useless, everyone will of course convert to the Akatsuki. Forehead protectors will be thrown away, and once every single ninja has sworn their loyalty, everyone would be able to live peacefully.

I counted the Leader as one of few Akatsuki who wouldn't end up dead. He wasn't even a criminal, he just employed missing nins for his use. Not that we didn't mind - no one was here so they could be included in that one big happy fucking family. Many were here because it offered them a job that allowed them to kill/eat/blow up things as they pleased.

The flames reached up and licked at the dragons tail, causing it to become another fleeting piece of art in my mental gallery.

Sometimes you just had to wonder what us Akatsuki members were doing with our lives. What _anyone _was doing with their lives. Get born, do some crap and wait for your death. We're all doing it weren't we? Killing people until we ourselves got put out of commission. Yet I had always thought it was not how long you lived that determined your life, but rather what you did with it while you were alive. In Iwagakure, my clans jutsu had been forbidden, deemed too 'dangerous'. They were more worried about an outgoing teenager like me going AWOL on their asses. Which I thought was all rather pointless in the end. What was a bloodline limit if you couldn't use it to your advantage? A waste, that's what. I wouldn't allow my palm-mouths rot away, so I left the village and enjoyed myself to the very end.

What would Tobi do now? He'd be killed now wouldn't he? Unless he somehow managed to do his practically useless 'mole jutsu' and tunnel his way to safety.

The raging inferno punished me for my arrogance, and I just hoped that Sasuke twat would be punished as well.

I wondered if they had clay in Hell. I could only hope.

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Review please, I want to know if I've got back into the groove of writing or not.


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